ourstoriesxourspace:

Tushar, 29. 

Born in an Indian family, being the youngest among my siblings. I was pampered all my life. I have a lovely family. Whom I love a lot.

I don’t remember discussing any topic about gays ever in my house. I don’t think my family hated gays but they never accepted the existence of gays, as well. I had a boyfriend in college, who used to visit my place very often and stayed over. We moved to a bigger city once we were done with college. But for my family it was always two friends staying together. Once when his mother came over to visit us, she saw that both of us were using the same toothbrush. She was shocked. She confronted me and my boyfriend. We never said anything because we were not sure if she would even understand. My boyfriend was married to a girl in the coming year. It was an arranged marriage. That was the end of my love story.

Then before I knew, my family started pressuring me to get married. The only best thing for me to do was leave the country.

Got a PR and moved to Canada. It was such a fresh breath of air to be in Toronto. I felt like a bird. It was easier for me to tell people that I am gay. Made many new gay friends and I was very happy to be here. 

But something told me, I need to introduce my new life to my family.

I invited my parents to visit Canada in summer. I made it a point to introduce all my gay friends to my family. I never told them that I was gay or any of my friends were gay. But they knew that none of my friends were married or had any girlfriends. It was just my way of coming out, I guess. We went to gay concerts as well and even visited my gay friends’ family. I am sure some of the scenes and a few of my friends must have been a shock to my parents, but they took it cool and were amazed with the lifestyle here. I was under the impression that my family accepted my new life. They returned back to India after three months, happily. 

But that was not even close to the truth. When I went back to India to visit them in winter they showed me to a psychiatrist for the lifestyle I have chosen. That was the biggest blow on my face. I love my family a lot and would never want to lose them for anything in the world.

I am still figuring out the way to be gay and have my family still think I am normal. Hopefully one day.

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